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The Rural Recession in Simple Terms

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The Rural Recession in Simple Terms

"It all started back in '66 when they changed from Pounds to dollars -
that doubled me bloody overdraft.

Then they brought in kilograms instead of pounds -
me cattle's weight dropped by half.

After that they changed inches to millimetres -
and we haven't had an inch of rain since.

If that wasn't enough, they brought in Celsius and we never got over 40 degrees -
No wonder the grass wouldn't grow.

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Then they changed acres to hectares,
and I ended up with only half the land I had in the first place.

By this time I'd had enough and decided to sell out.

I put the property in the hands of the Agent -
then they changed miles to kilometres.

And now I'm too bloody far out of town for anyone to buy the damn place!"

How to dig your tomato bed…

Aside

An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
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Love, Vinnie Continue reading How to dig your tomato bed…→

What turns you on?

Aside

Wife gets naked and asks hubby,

'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

Hubby looks her up and down and replies,

'Your sense of humour!

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